Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
