I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
