the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
