he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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