it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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