is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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