i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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