ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
