mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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