Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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