party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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