kristin has been a bad kristin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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