Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
