Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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