whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
