so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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