dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
