i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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