No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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