your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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