I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
