theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
