I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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