i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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