Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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