Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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