Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
