Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
