at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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