Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
