so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
