So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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