my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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