U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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