Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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