Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
