i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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