Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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