laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
