I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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