Only a mothe r could love this liver
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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