I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
