Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
