On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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