Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
