tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
