Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
