You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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