I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
