the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
