the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
