trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
