go do what you do best...puke behind churches
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
