Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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